Have you ever just looked at yourself? Stood in front of a mirror and really truly looked at yourself? I've been doing this a lot lately especially going through the journey I've been going on. I feel like my whole life I've just been looking out of rose colored glasses and now they have been ripped off with a vengeance! It's hard to look at yourself and see what is truly there, not just what you think is there. I've never thought that I was fat, because I've gone off of others' comments and spoken opinions. That wasn't very smart because everyone was just trying to be nice, which I really do appreciate looking back. I mentally see myself as I did in middle school, skinny and "healthy". I never really LOOKED at myself. I've been taking all of these classes at my gym and the room that it's held in has a huge mirror along the wall and you can't help but look at yourself as you work out. I look at myself and I look at all the other people around me and I realize what I've become. I haven't cared for so long that now that I care and can see what's there, it seems completely overwhelming! I am more in tune to what I've feeling and what I'm doing, but it's completely disheartening. I've been changing so much this past year, I feel like a completely different person. I feel like I don't know who I'm looking at anymore.

This process is the hardest thing I have ever done! I am fighting against myself. I can debate against anyone to get my way, but now I am fighting against myself, what a crappy fight! I just want to yell at the top of my lungs and just say that I have the habits that I want and I have the life that I want. It is a challenge to get up every day. It's a challenge to go to the gym. It's a challenge not to eat the cookie, hamburger, ice cream... etc. It's such a challenge that I believe I'm failing. I try to say, take each day at a time, but even that becomes too much! I have always loved how I felt when I truly live healthy, but it's remembering that when the temptation is right there in front of me. I look all around me and I see all of these people who have been very successful in losing weight. They are just shedding away, while I stay right where I am because of stupid choices. I've been working with so many WONDERFUL people trying to reach my goals but I feel as soon as I go home, I sit down, turn on the TV, and there goes another day! Why is it so hard to be active?! I hate people that watch TV all day! I've been discovering all the things I hate about other people, are the real qualities in me that I don't want to face! Why do I judge those people? It's because I don't want to look at myself so it's so much easier to just place it on someone else! Is it worth just giving up and going back to my old lifestyle? Sometimes I think that it might be... but I know in my heart that it's not, that's what makes it suck so bad!

Decoration!

Before...
After!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've had this planned out for a LONG time and I FINALLY got around doing it! I LOVE it! Can you tell I'm excited about it? hehe I think it is so stinking cute and I can't get enough of it! What do you think?!

What Lily likes to do!

Help Daddy Baby-Proof the house, I'm sure she'll regret that later...
To Color!!!!!!!!!!!! Lily LOVES to color! She always has! I tried to hide the crayons from her, but she found them and anytime she saw them she would get mad that we wouldn't give them to her. The only problem with that is she doesn't always like to color the paper... Is there anyone else's child that LOVES to color as much as she does? I have a feeling she's going to be an artist because she loves to dance too! Aww man!

Time for a Change

Well as most of you have seen on Facebook, I'm starting a challenge to better myself. I've finally decided this is more important that food. Food has always been a challenge for me. I just LOVE to eat. That's a good thing, but I love to eat unhealthy food! I've always been overweight and I've finally decided I'm tired of being that way. Now I know that I've been on a health kick for the past year now, but I haven't always been that great about my nutrition and food. I want this more than anything right now. I am completely determined to become healthy. I don't even have a weight in mind right now, but I really just want to be successful in losing weight and keeping it off. In turn, I want to share this with my family. I want Lily to be healthy and to want to eat healthy food. Yesterday I was at the grocery store and there was a mother there with her two sons and they were buying Lunchables (which isn't the healthiest choice in the first place) and she was asking her sons, "Do you want the one with the chocolate or the one with skittles?" I thought to myself, you know I want to be asking my kids if they want an apple or a banana not chocolate or skittles. I know that kids are going to want that, but I've seen it with my nieces and nephews, they love healthy food! It's funny how that happens. They completely go from your lead. Well so far, I've lost almost 3 lbs and 2 inches. I don't know how that happened, but I like it!!!!!!!!! If you want any information about how I'm doing this let me know, it's quite simple really! Hopefully I can show you some awesome after pictures here real soon!

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

This is Lily's new obsession. She LOVES this show! It is fun, she loves the music and thinks that it's fun. It's not too bad a show to listen to, but it still gets old just like any other kid show...

New Years

This year for New Years, we were able to go to Ogden and visit with a friend/bandmate of Todd's from High school. It was fun to hang out and spend some time with them. It had been a long time since we had seen him and it was nice to just have a good time and not have to worry about what was coming next. We were able to stay at my Brother's house and visit with them as well. On Saturday, Todd's sister and brother-in-law was gracious enough to watch Lily while we attended the temple. It had been a few months since that happened, so it was nice to be able to go without a time constraint. Now that we've traveled all over the state, we're going to just stay at home for a while. These pictures are of Lily playing at my Brother's house and Todd and I outside of the Jordan River Temple.

Finally.... Our Christmas

The week before, at Tucanos :)
Christmas Morning Spoils
Christmas Eve, The tree with all of the presents there
Christmas Night, the WHOLE family!
The week before Christmas, Todd's whole family was able to come and visit in Cedar City. Todd took the whole week off and we were able to go to SLC with them to go see the Temple Square Lights, go to Tucanos, and just spend time together. Unfortunately, I got sick for the first two days, and then after that Lily got sick... It wasn't too much fun, but it was good to see everyone. We had a blast hanging out and playing games with those that we love and miss! This hardly ever happens for his family since there are siblings who live in California and Oklahoma. The only person that we were missing was Todd's brother David who is serving his mission right now. But we got to talk to him on the phone on Christmas Day. We really had a Merry Christmas! We can't believe it's already over!